‘Sweet? Nah’: New men’s mental health charity to tour NZ’s lighthouses

Four Bay of Plenty men are embarking on a tour of Aotearoa’s lighthouses to raise funds and awareness of men’s mental health challenges.

The four friends: Luke McFarlane, 38, a teacher at Pāpāmoa College, mechanic Matt Tope, 31, project manager Jamie Wilson, 39, and Rodney Phillips, 40, a commercial financier, have called their planned tour of 24 of the country’s most prominent lighthouses the Sweet…Nah, Find Your Lighthouse Tour.

They aim to cover 6600 km in 12 days during the April school holidays, meeting with men and organisations from communities at each lighthouse stop.

“We came up with the phrase Sweet…Nah as so often when you ask people how they are, particularly men, they say ‘sweet’, even if they are not actually okay,” explains McFarlane. “We want to prompt men to start real conversations.”

The lighthouse represents a beacon of hope and a symbol of reaching out for help in dark times, either to a family member, friend or organisation, he says.

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The four men have each had their own challenges with mental health says McFarlane, and are all concerned about New Zealand’s high suicide rate.

“The statistics are horrific,” he said. “No one is immune to the black dog. Each of us within the Lighthouse Project has felt its grips at points in our lives, to varying degrees of severity, and it’s only in moments of clarity that we realise how it’s got us.”

McFarlane said he first experienced depression and anxiety after the birth of his first child,

“It’s a huge change, and I felt pressure and worry about earning enough money to provide for the family. Talking to other guys, they feel similar pressure when they first have kids. Then there’s the lack of sleep.

“Lots of support is around new mothers – and rightly so – but not so much for the new dads who are just expected to put their heads down and get on with it.”

Work stress can be another area which can spiral out of control, said McFarlane.

“There was once a time at work when I missed out on a work opportunity. It started to really get to me and I felt down, like I had lost my path, and I wondered what I was doing in life. In the end it was my father-in-law who noticed I was not right. Talking to him really helped.

“It got me thinking about how men don’t really open up to other men about their problems, but often other men have had similar experiences and can relate to how you’re feeling.”

The men will set off from Mount Maunganui’s North Rock – a navigation point with a light that guides ships in the dark – and make their way around 24 lighthouses in a camper van, ending 12 days later in the same spot.

The aim is to raise $100,000 for men’s mental health via a charity they have registered called The Lighthouse Project Charitable Trust.

“We started this charity to highlight the community of organisations around Aotearoa that are working hard to ensure that those who struggle the most get the support they need,” said McFarlane.

“We want blokes to see that there are options out there, and that the first step is to acknowledge our struggles and then start talking about them.”

Funds raised on the tour will go to Surfing for Farmers, Men’s Group Wairarapa, Lucky to be Alive, Tough Talk, Canterbury Men’s Centre, Taranaki Retreat and Whirlwind Stories.

At each stop they will connect with local organisations that support men, and encourage anyone to come and see them.

“Along the way we’ll meet local legends striving to improve wellbeing in their communities,” said McFarlane. “Through each stage of the journey we’ll be joining up with leaders of grassroots organisations and drawing awareness to their cause, sharing their stories and mahi.

“We want people to open up and engage with grassroots organisations – the lighthouses of our communities – that are there to help people through troubled times. ”

They have been overwhelmed by community support so far from local companies, with firms such as Traillite Motorhomes donating use of a camper van and other local businesses including Classic Builders getting on board.

The tour and charity has a registered Givealittle page for donations, which can be found here.